directed by:
J. Horton written by: Michael J. Epstein, J. Horton genre: Horror |
It's wild. You've got all these folks being eaten and such at the beginning of "A Hard Place," and it's like everyone that's yet to be munched on seems so damn calm with all these monsters & zombies around them. They're all walking about as quickly as Michael Myers to get away from these things, which seems like it's lacking the sense of urgency I know I'd have in a situation such as that. But maybe that's just me - as an unmunched person, but whatever I've been doing seems to be working…just sayin.'
In any event, what you see at the start is acknowledged directly within "A Hard Place," as they begin this Horror story with a movie-within-a-movie approach before the real plotline kicks in. That plot? A bunch of criminals are on their way to a hideout to lie low for a while, and ultimately, their location of choice isn't going to be as ideal as they were hoping for. I don't know how this could have gone wrong for them, as they pull up to a dilapidated farm that looks severely unloved and unlived in…seems like a "perfect" place to crash for a while, right? Are you kidding me? If there was ever a visual sign to keep driving, it's this spot they've picked out to hide away in. Am I alone in feeling that way? Probably not. You've got Zenia (Lynn Lowry) walking around guns drawn; she definitely seems to know more about this place than the rest of them do! I am…Groot? It doesn't take too long for, well, a bunch of plant-based beings to show up and start the killing. Ironically enough, they're referred to as "Guardians," so maybe they're some kind of weird twisted cousin to Marvel's beloved little sprout hero after all. Lots of killing, lots of shooting, lots of blood and heads being popped off their shoulders. There's one dude with strange eye makeup that likes to stand real still with a big ol' hammer while this is all going on…you know… it's all fairly in line with what the opening moments of "A Hard Place" prepare you for. Neat, though – I really appreciate the creatures in this film, and they're pretty relevant for right now with their similarities to what you'd find walking around in "The Last Of Us." They're probably cooler to look at than they are creepy, I reckon, but that's gotta be a good thing, right? You'll also find a whole different type of creature in this film as the movie continues, but we'll get to that because before all that, these hardened criminals gotta fight their way through all this vegetation. How many people are in this movie? It's like the population of a small town all decided to chill out at this broken-ass farm for a day. "Fresh meat for the grinder," as Aldy will tell ya. Look... there are more red shirts in this film than you'd find in a whole season of "Star Trek" – which works both for and against a movie like this. If you're looking for character development, chances are it's best for you to keep moseying on. However, if you're looking for a whole bunch of killin' & bodies gettin' torn apart, then this here Bud is for you, partner. I'm not gonna lie, I tend to struggle a bit more with movies that are more focused on creatures than characters, but there are a few threads that give people like me a little to hang onto. There's whatever is goin' on with Naja (Ashley Undercuffler), for example, she seems to know a bit more about the place all these people are stuck in and how to navigate the creatures. Zenia also seems to be interesting, like she's hiding a secret or two that the rest should know about. Henrietta (Felissa Rose) plays a matriarch & leader of sorts, and she gets a significant role to work with. Probably the main role when it comes right down to it, but you'll be about halfway through "A Hard Place" before you're fully acquainted with her. That might be for the best when it comes right down to it because if you thought Aldy had a temper, believe me when I tell you that Henrietta's is much worse. You get the idea though…with a cast spread out as wide as they are in "A Hard Place," everybody's got the good fortune of getting several lines more or less. Still, it becomes a lot harder to really learn too much about any single one of 'em outside the select few. So really, "A Hard Place" is kind of like watching target practice. You're not really going to learn everybody's name, you're not really going to learn too many backstories, and you're not going to see weird eye makeup guy do too much other than glare at everything.
"We don't want anything to do with…all this…so… We'll just be on our way," says Hurt, and I feel that. He's promptly informed that "this is the only safe place for miles," to which I'm like – is it? By what kind of twisted logic is this hellish place considered safe? This whole family of hillbillies that are too proud to leave their land even if it's being run over by a legion of Guardians that like to snack on people seem to have the wrong priorities if you ask me. I do appreciate their dinner table etiquette and dedication to proper cutlery placement, though. That's rare these days. So... you've got your hillbillies, and you've got your criminals, and they don't necessarily seem like they're all that destined to get along, let alone exist in the confines of one freaky farmhouse. Some of these relationships get downright messy – what's that expression again? Hurt people hurt people (pun intended!)? You'll see that happening too. The "Caretakers" seem just as dangerous as the Guardians do, if you ask me, albeit a little more civilized. The criminals are the odd men/women out when it comes to this story, and it's gonna be tough for them to survive. Fortunately for them, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, the criminals could serve a purpose that might be enough to keep them alive. It might not be much of a life, but they might just keep breathing if they play their cards right. May the odds be forever in their favour. So…look…" A Hard Place" takes a hot minute or two to snap fully into focus, but it's entertaining enough to stick with on the way to getting to the heart of its plotline. Once you're there & you have some kind of semblance of what's really happening, it's definitely enjoyable. I'm not saying that it's recreating the wheel or anything crazy like that, but I ended up liking "A Hard Place" more than I thought I was going to at first. The creatures look fantastic, the filming was definitely solid, and for what it's worth, while I wouldn't say you're in store for some world-altering performances, the cast's talent is actually quite well-balanced across the board. There are a few moments where the jokes land perfectly, and others where things are noticeably more forced. The effects that are used are used wisely, and things look pretty damn good onscreen. There is fun to be found in all this gory mayhem. Once you start to look at "A Hard Place" and realize that there are really only three characters in it (Guardians, Caretakers, and Criminals), it's a little easier to get past feeling like we need to get to know any of them more than we do on an individual basis. I loved Henrietta's pre-battle "Braveheart" speech…I really enjoyed the fact that the original movie we see at the start, featuring Bai Ling, kept showing up in different spots throughout "A Hard Place" too…and again, as far as the creatures go, I felt like the transformations worked well for the Caretakers, and the Guardians always looked cool. If you don't take it all too seriously & you feel like having a little fun that is doused in a f**k ton of blood, you could do a whole lot worse than throwing on "A Hard Place" to pass the time. It pretty much has everything it needs to be everything that it was going for, and while that's probably not about to net 'em any awards from the academy, there's still a lot of fun to be had - and a large audience for something like this. I'm going with three & a half stars out of five…I figured out quickly what I signed up for, and it delivered on that. |
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